Pit Stops Along Life’s Course

I have already established that I am a massive sports fan and amongst the various sports that I do follow, Formula 1 is definitely one that I enjoy for its strategy, teamwork, and sheer level of daredevilry (As a resident of Mumbai, I often get to see Formula 1 hopefuls trying to work on their skills: flying over potholes, multitasking on their phone and exchanging expletives with fellow competitors while driving, racing past red lights to gain a competitive advantage, blocking paths to prevent other drivers from passing, and occasionally crashing into each other at neck break speeds of 30 kilometers an hour). But the sport is more than just that isn’t it? It’s not only about winning each circuit or the overall championship at the end of the season but about the little victories, both skill based and psychological, which eventually lead to long term improvements and triumph.

While watching the race on television or in the stands (if we are wealthy enough to spare that kind of money on car racing, especially since we aren’t the ones inside the car), we experience aggressive driving, smart calls on each turn, split-second decision making, and the speed and finesse of the pit crew among several other attributes of this sport. But the sport is deeper than what meets the eye. Not only does each member of a team (right from the team principals, directors, technicians, analysts, designers, R&D members, the pit crew, and the drivers) render the old adage of 10,000 hours to a minuscule number, and work in faultless unison to obtain the desired results, but they also set small targets for every moment of every race in order to encourage themselves and keep striving forward.

Modern technology enables the millions of viewers at home to now listen in on the instructions and strategies (played out between the team crew and the driver) during a race (Now only if we could get on a three-way conference call and offer our advice as well, just to provide that much-needed boost towards winning the championship). However, we get to hear these conversations in periodic bursts, whereas a lot of deep exchanges take place, which we are not privy to. I believe this is where the real work gets done: support, words of encouragement, cheers on a small milestone achieved (like fastest lap), empathy during failed missions, planning ahead, breaking things down into smaller goals, and who knows, maybe even cracking a joke every once in a while (I know I would).

A lot of us don’t aim high or set far-reaching goals for ourselves. But those of us that do, forget to take our much needed ‘pit stops’. We are so focused on the end goals that we often fail to realize that we hold ourselves back from attaining them. Trying too hard without taking the time out to address and acknowledge our little milestones, is probably as bad as not setting ourselves those big goals in the first place. While it is certainly better to try than to not try at all, not doing anything and overburdening ourselves, by doing too much without reward for small accomplishments, could lead to the same result.

Let’s take our children as an example We have big plans for their education, extracurricular development, character formation, as well as life in the real world. However, we set progressive targets for them (right from their first steps and garbled words to serious development of skill, character, and mannerisms), and reward them for every little landmark reached. We nurture them with compassion, understanding, and love, as much as with discipline, prudence, barebones honesty, and strict rules. However, we don’t seem to display the same patience and nurturing attitude towards ourselves or other adults. Is this because all children are special? If they are, then at what age do they become ‘not so special’? At what point do we stop rewarding ourselves for our small accomplishments? At what stage do we stop feeding ourselves with compassion and love along with the beatings we dole out to ourselves on the way to our goals?

All entities from governments (they even reward their own for no accomplishments) and large organizations to businesses and sports teams have massive milestones. But they always recognize and reward the efforts and accomplishments of groups and individuals on the path to that goal. There is no reason why we can’t recognize these needs as individuals.

Life is like a formula 1 race circuit. It has the straights where we can cruise, it has nasty corners, it involves heavy decision making, it has a fair load of risks, it has highs and lows, it has friends and adversaries, and it often prevents us from completing races (due to confidence ‘crashes’, ‘engine’ failure, bad decisions etc.). However, you pat yourself for the effort, brush yourself, and plan for the next race.

Celebration is as important as planning. Encouragement is as important as achievement. Compassion is as necessary as discipline and hard work. It gives us a sense of self-value and helps us to keep moving toward our ultimate goals. We can’t keep swimming under water the entire way. We need to come up for air every now and again. We need our pit stops.

Who Wants To Be A Remix?

With the internet booming and blooming right in our faces, we are in a constant state of awe, primarily due to the fascinating world of ‘larger than life’ lifestyles on display round-the-clock. Whenever we jump onto Facebook or Instagram (that is if we ever get off in the first place), we unwaveringly believe that everyone else on the planet has everything going for them (Going on vacation on the pretext of a work trip; going to much-ballyhooed live events; going to the spa, which in many cases is inside their own homes; going on dates with supermodels; spending the year floating around the ocean on a yacht, with only seagulls for company; going everywhere within walking distance in a Lamborghini; sending a proxy to work; and even going to the gym overweight and leaving an hour later with the perfect body). Envy starts to kick in (only if we can learn how to kick envy instead, as well as his big sister, jealousy) and we begin belittling ourselves for our less than impressive existence.

And it’s not just the celebrities in their respective wakes of life that seem to be living a charmed life. It’s also our friends, colleagues, neighbors, fellow passengers on our daily commute, wives, children, chauffeurs, security guards of our housing society, and even our pet canary. Now we think to ourselves ‘Evidently these characters are doing stuff that is affording them all this goodness’ (being present at every party in the city, constantly adding new material items to their collection, eating oily snacks on their daily work commute without putting on an ounce under those flowing garbs, gossiping away on security duty while trespassers enter the premises, going at least 30 kilometres per hour over the speed limit, and even whistling for the dog to get the morning newspaper), and immediately become fans, follow them closely, and imitate as much of their persona as possible. In this quest to improve our lives and feel cool, we become a cheap imitation of theirs’.

For some of us swaggering individuals, we aren’t easily bitten by this ‘let me be like him or her’ bug, but a majority of us lack confidence and always look for a guiding compass, which invariably happens to be someone that has, fancy possessions, a ‘happening’ lifestyle’, always seems happy in every photo (with an exotic background) on social media, and is brimming with confidence at all times. And celebrity or not, this person is who we want to be, not in our next lifetime, but in this one.

Yet, we will adjust every trivial thing in our lives to suit us; the volume of the television (because we are hard of hearing), the inclination of our armchair (usually at an angle that allows us to sleep through the parleys of our visitors), the choice of music in the car (against the protest of others), logic in our favour in an argument (anything that puts us on the winning side), selective vegetarianism (we will fight vehemently on airplanes for a non veg meal despite selecting the vegetarian option while purchasing the ticket), work deliverables (even if the rest of our team is inconvenienced), nap times (over the ones our 2-year-olds need), the movie our family watches at the cinema, what time we’ll show up at our friend’s wedding (closer to the end in order to avoid the 3-hour saga), if we will show up at our cousin’s wedding (she never was our favorite anyway), dinner dates, business meetings, grocery shopping, and the list is endless.

We don’t think much about how we feel, or how our actions will be perceived even when we know we are acting like completely selfish jerks. In these cases, we are very sure of ourselves and believe we call the shots in our lives and are on top of things. We want to be leaders here, even if the only thing we do is bully others and massage our disillusioned egos. And yet when it comes down to real substance, defining how we will live our lives by being true to who we are, we flatter others. We tend to see someone else’s potential just by the way they conduct themselves or their social media shenanigans but are unable to recognize our own worth considering we’ve known ourselves longest. Sure, we may not be a ready product just yet but we all have the ingredients to be that guy or girl people envy. We need to seriously dwell on our self-worth and uniqueness that can be life-defining for us, as well as people around us. But if we’re too busy admiring others, we don’t give ourselves the chance to appreciate our own potential. If we want to fulfill our dreams, we need to get off social media, do away with publicly gaping at others, and actually spend some time increasing our knowledge and honing our skills.

The people we are in awe of, have worked hard (and smart) to get where they are (or their ancestors did). We can’t get there by just being pretentious. We all certainly have role models that inspire us. And inspiration is the key. We should take inspiration from every quarter, but only to groom us into better versions of ourselves.

Most original music albums and movies are deemed to be better than their remixes and remakes. There is no point in being a half baked repetition. Be a full-fledged original.

Keep Your Inner Child Alive And Kicking

“Why?” “Because this is the way it’s done” “Why?” “Because this is how it’s meant to be” “Why?” “Because it makes perfect sense” “Why?” And then you lose your shirt and say “Because I said so, and if you ask any more questions I will put you up for sale on eBay” And how does your child respond to that? Yes, you got it, “Why?” (They never seem to sense real danger when it’s staring them in the face).

That’s the beauty of being a child. They are as curious as the human genes allow them to be and will get their questions answered under any circumstances, without the slightest apprehension (I think it’s their lack of wisdom really. I mean they have no idea what it feels like to have their head bashed in with a sledgehammer, or being locked in with the rest of your collectible action figures in the display case, or when you come home after a tiring day at work and your sister-in-law is there to surprise you (even the toughest navy seals will go into cardiac arrest upon meeting mine), or to go sari shopping where the average purchase rate is zero saris for every twenty-three stores visited, and even when your wife asks “Who’s that?”).

I have been involved in more verbal jousting with my three-year-old daughter compared to anyone else in my life (Jousting is meant to be a fair competition and therefore debates with the wife don’t count). She asks what comes to mind, as soon as it pops into her head. She doesn’t care about what I or anyone else will think. She has no semblance of self-image to an extent that will prevent her from addressing her insatiable hunger to learn and grow, every minute of her life (They are not completely devoid of self-image. She most certainly expects a reaction from us after she has managed to embellish her face with the prohibited ‘mama’s lipstick’, that she has somehow managed to lay her hands on. And even when she manages to operate 5 applications at once, again on the prohibited mobile phone, while at age three, I was still trying to tell my right hand from my left). And this is the pattern I have seen with every child of her age that I have had the privilege (this association also deflates my ego, considering these children grasp things with precision, at the speed of light, while I’m still trying to tell the front of my daughter’s diapers from the back) of spending time with during playdates, which are specifically designed to allow parents to gossip and crib.

Somehow, when we get past single digits, we seem to become hypersensitive towards anything, anyone might think about us. And these need not be just our relatives, friends, or acquaintances, but also, strangers, we commute with while using public transportation, passers-by while we walk about our town or city (evidently some of us do not experience this dilemma when we decide to litter the streets), street dogs going about their business as usual, and even our mobile phone camera. We’re our innate bumbling and boisterous selves during childhood, and at some stage in early adolescence we lose our ability to speak openly, and instead choose to hide in the crowd. As many questions as we ask in our kindergarten years, the numbers dwindle towards negligible as we approach high school, before disappearing completely. Our fear of potentially making a fool of ourselves completely overpowers our instinctive curiosity. We rarely ask questions as students (I have had a couple of experiences where I was mocked for asking certain questions as a student and it did put me in my shell for some time. However, I figured that it may not have been a case of stupid questions as much a case of the teacher not knowing the answers, based on their reactions at the time), we refuse to put forth our thoughts at the workplace that might be contrary to what our seniors believe, we shy away from giving our opinion on fashion to the so-called ‘fashionista’ in our friend circle (fearing an open backlash and humiliation), and we even conceal our true feelings from the people that really matter.

The more we worry about what people might think, the more opportunities to learn, pass us by. We curb our inner child in the fear that we might be labeled as childish (Now I’m not saying that we throw a fit when a bar of chocolate is taken away from us, or that we walk around wearing diapers, or even pinch the neighbor lady to see how she reacts). However, what would you think of yourself if you spent years of your life worrying about others’ opinions about you? What if this obsession prevented you from doing the things that really mattered to you and you never allowed yourself to reach your potential?

No matter what we do, or don’t do, some people will always think well of us and some won’t. We can’t keep everyone happy and it is this quest that puts us on a downward spiral towards misery. Only when we question, learn, and grow, do we realize our true passions and our true potential. And upon obtaining both, we will be able to serve ourselves and the world to the best of our abilities. This is the mindset that has created word leaders (Mahatma Gandhi wasn’t worried about people commenting on his less than impressive physique as he walked around bare-chested with steel in his eyes and a fiery resolve. Steve Jobs didn’t care about public opinion on his dressing, as he wore a black sweatshirt and blue denims, tirelessly, day in and day out. Donald J. Duck cares a hoot about people’s opinions on his speeches, as long as he gets to open his mouth often and provide the world plenty of fodder for mockery).

I too have fallen victim to this ridiculous, self-created mind game of public opinion several times in my life. In my late thirties now, I’m playing catch up on a lot of things I could have, and should have done during the earlier stages of my life. However, I feel at peace that I have empowered myself to get out of this rigmarole. So for those of you in your teens and twenties, it’s a good time to reflect upon the choices you make (or don’t make) because of your concern about the public eye. And for my fellow oldies, it’s never too late to start.

Honor yourself by being true to your curiosity and growth. Else you’ll have to face tough situations like I do from some of my aunts who never cease to say “Oh my God, you’ve grown so much since the last time I saw you”. And I respond with “Only in the middle aunty, only in the middle”.