Shadow Cat

The title may have you believe that I refer to the popular member of X-Men (who by the way is Shadowcat, one word), a new, sinister, back alley, comic villain set to disrupt life in New York City (or the monk life in Tibet if you prefer), or just a kitten roaming the ledges outside your bedroom window at night, at a distance from the street lamp that casts a feline shadow large enough to scare the bejesus out of you. If we let our imagination run wild, shadow cat could also mean an eclipse involving the sun, the moon, and Halle Berry. I have written a few blogs now and none of them have featured my customary ‘pj’ (poor jokes) so I had to put this in here. Anyway, let’s move on.

The term ‘shadow’ to me apart from the mute scary black thing that follows us around, has meant to learn a trade, task, or skill by observing someone else do it. It’s something that can be practiced in any conceivable profession or aspect of our personal lives. Usually, when a fresh recruit arrives at a company, she is asked to ‘shadow’ a more seasoned pro to learn the practical ropes of the trade. We learn not just physical skills like construction, engineering techniques, healthcare delivery, farming, cooking, stealing, tying one’s shoelaces, and stapling a bunch of papers, but also soft skills like negotiating, selling, coaching, manipulating, throwing tantrums, and snoring, by shadowing people that excel at these skills. I believe in learning by doing and observing. In fact, being a big advocate of sport and someone that has played a fair amount in my younger days, I believe shadow practice plays an important part in many sports, especially ones that involve a ball, like cricket, table tennis, and tennis. The idea is to practice one’s technique by observing one’s shadow, without the use of an actual ball. I wish they had this option available during school examinations as well, where we would imagine writing our answers and not have to actually pen them on paper.

Shadowing people through the course of my life has added tremendous impetus and growth to my being. Not only did I draw value by observing leaders at work, veterans on my sports team, seniors at the university, family members, and George W Bush, but also the unsuspecting mentors in my daily life that genuinely made me feel positive and empowered. And that for me has been the key to forming more holistic and sound attributes. A majority of us only look as far as the physical or verbal nature of an art form. We feel that as long as we learn how to build, or program, or repair, or present well by shadowing people, we will become perfect specimens in our professional and personal lives. We feel that mastering skills that appear on a typical job advertisement is what it takes to excel. Providing a big home, fast cars, regular exotic vacations, and material goods, makes us feel like irrefutable success stories in our personal and family lives. Sure, these skills are important but shouldn’t we learn more about the people we shadow, which is every one of essence around us? No matter what our profession is, where in the world we live, what our principles and cultural outlook are, there is one common tie to us all: relationships with other humans.

We pay attention to what our mentors do and how they do it but rarely dwell deep into why they do it. We spend little time understanding the man or woman behind the machine. We see everything our eyes show us but very little of the unseen that our mind is capable of perceiving. We want to learn a skill quickly and be one of the top dogs as soon as possible but we fail to grasp the essence of being a leader. We misconstrue a designation for the position of a leader. A leader is made not only on her superlative abilities to deliver results, fluent communication, great decision-making skills, commitment to the cause, brilliant creativity, or the ability to create irresistible strategies. A leader is also made on her abilities to gain the trust of others by being inspirational and not by power or authority. She flourishes by her facility to understand people and empathize with them. She is respected by being accountable for problems and sharing the credit for success. And she is an indomitable leader when she can stimulate those around her to act beyond their own needs. To be able to do this, it’s not only important to know what people can do, but also who they are.

When we observe to learn and grow it seems almost selfish in nature. As long as we derive whatever value we can to help ourselves, we don’t feel the need to look beyond. Almost every candidate I have interviewed for a job has spoken about how they would want to learn and grow, but rarely has one spoken about the contribution they would like to make. We learn as much from giving as we do from taking. By giving, we understand the true extent of our intent and abilities that take us beyond the threshold for success we create in our minds. So even if it’s for purely self-oriented reasons, understanding people and contributing to their growth will, in turn, promote ours to new heights. When we observe (and I don’t mean going around being the peeping tom in your locality) with empathy and the intent to understand people it becomes innate over time and we become better leaders and humans.

Shadowing fills us with knowledge but eventually stepping out of the shadows to make contributions beyond the self rewards us with wisdom, courage, and inspiration.

 

Who Wants To Be A Remix?

With the internet booming and blooming right in our faces, we are in a constant state of awe, primarily due to the fascinating world of ‘larger than life’ lifestyles on display round-the-clock. Whenever we jump onto Facebook or Instagram (that is if we ever get off in the first place), we unwaveringly believe that everyone else on the planet has everything going for them (Going on vacation on the pretext of a work trip; going to much-ballyhooed live events; going to the spa, which in many cases is inside their own homes; going on dates with supermodels; spending the year floating around the ocean on a yacht, with only seagulls for company; going everywhere within walking distance in a Lamborghini; sending a proxy to work; and even going to the gym overweight and leaving an hour later with the perfect body). Envy starts to kick in (only if we can learn how to kick envy instead, as well as his big sister, jealousy) and we begin belittling ourselves for our less than impressive existence.

And it’s not just the celebrities in their respective wakes of life that seem to be living a charmed life. It’s also our friends, colleagues, neighbors, fellow passengers on our daily commute, wives, children, chauffeurs, security guards of our housing society, and even our pet canary. Now we think to ourselves ‘Evidently these characters are doing stuff that is affording them all this goodness’ (being present at every party in the city, constantly adding new material items to their collection, eating oily snacks on their daily work commute without putting on an ounce under those flowing garbs, gossiping away on security duty while trespassers enter the premises, going at least 30 kilometres per hour over the speed limit, and even whistling for the dog to get the morning newspaper), and immediately become fans, follow them closely, and imitate as much of their persona as possible. In this quest to improve our lives and feel cool, we become a cheap imitation of theirs’.

For some of us swaggering individuals, we aren’t easily bitten by this ‘let me be like him or her’ bug, but a majority of us lack confidence and always look for a guiding compass, which invariably happens to be someone that has, fancy possessions, a ‘happening’ lifestyle’, always seems happy in every photo (with an exotic background) on social media, and is brimming with confidence at all times. And celebrity or not, this person is who we want to be, not in our next lifetime, but in this one.

Yet, we will adjust every trivial thing in our lives to suit us; the volume of the television (because we are hard of hearing), the inclination of our armchair (usually at an angle that allows us to sleep through the parleys of our visitors), the choice of music in the car (against the protest of others), logic in our favour in an argument (anything that puts us on the winning side), selective vegetarianism (we will fight vehemently on airplanes for a non veg meal despite selecting the vegetarian option while purchasing the ticket), work deliverables (even if the rest of our team is inconvenienced), nap times (over the ones our 2-year-olds need), the movie our family watches at the cinema, what time we’ll show up at our friend’s wedding (closer to the end in order to avoid the 3-hour saga), if we will show up at our cousin’s wedding (she never was our favorite anyway), dinner dates, business meetings, grocery shopping, and the list is endless.

We don’t think much about how we feel, or how our actions will be perceived even when we know we are acting like completely selfish jerks. In these cases, we are very sure of ourselves and believe we call the shots in our lives and are on top of things. We want to be leaders here, even if the only thing we do is bully others and massage our disillusioned egos. And yet when it comes down to real substance, defining how we will live our lives by being true to who we are, we flatter others. We tend to see someone else’s potential just by the way they conduct themselves or their social media shenanigans but are unable to recognize our own worth considering we’ve known ourselves longest. Sure, we may not be a ready product just yet but we all have the ingredients to be that guy or girl people envy. We need to seriously dwell on our self-worth and uniqueness that can be life-defining for us, as well as people around us. But if we’re too busy admiring others, we don’t give ourselves the chance to appreciate our own potential. If we want to fulfill our dreams, we need to get off social media, do away with publicly gaping at others, and actually spend some time increasing our knowledge and honing our skills.

The people we are in awe of, have worked hard (and smart) to get where they are (or their ancestors did). We can’t get there by just being pretentious. We all certainly have role models that inspire us. And inspiration is the key. We should take inspiration from every quarter, but only to groom us into better versions of ourselves.

Most original music albums and movies are deemed to be better than their remixes and remakes. There is no point in being a half baked repetition. Be a full-fledged original.

Me First

We love ourselves, don’t we? We only want the best for ourselves. And we like to prove our importance to ourselves time and again. We will be happy to break into a queue at a bus stop (Because the other idiots who were there before us have all the time in the world but we don’t. We do this on the sly and just slip in, or do so boldly if we have the girth to provide that intimidating confidence). We will drive past a red light, or even block a lane that turns left (even though we want to go straight) just because it brings us closer to the head of the pack (And do it with gusto because we always know someone that owns these streets. Besides the person in the wailing ambulance behind is likely to meet his maker anyway). We will carry extra weapons to a sale just in case someone gets a hold of something we want before we do, and we need to make a compelling argument for them to hand it over (By handing them a beating. Don’t believe me? See some Black Friday carnage on YouTube). We will happily push an old woman aside and jump into the only cab available (Like we couldn’t walk those 800 meters to our destination. Besides courtesy and offering help to the needy is a thing of the past). We will bribe a cop upon breaking a traffic law (Because lawful proceedings aren’t for us. But we will certainly participate in a peaceful protest against bribery).

We always seem too important to wait in lines, too busy to respond to calls and emails in a timely manner, too self-centred to think beyond our own whims, too unperturbed about our ‘chalta hai’ (big deal, I don’t care) attitude towards everything, too proud to admit that our approach hurts many around us, strangers and loved ones alike. We always want to jump at the opportunities (and in all likelihood create them) to do something when it is likely to afford us a temporary high (People also seem to resort to smoking and alcohol to achieve this state all the time. The number of heart attacks, depression cases, and suicides will increase significantly if these two sources of ambrosia ceased to exist), make us feel all important, or offer us a feeling of prominence, even if it is meaningless in the grand scheme of things (And often this is achieved by making others feel comparatively insignificant, only to boost our own flailing and misdirected ego).

We will be the first to ensure we do whatever it takes when it is a matter of convenience to us, no matter how inconvenient it is for others (Eating half the birthday cake at a 4-year olds birthday party; Flipping TV channels so incessantly, that it might have you believe that Keanu Reeves is starring in a regional Indian film, shot in space, singing a song around trees, playing badminton, and running with Wildebeests, while being chased by half of the criminal world in New York City; Spreading our legs across three seating spaces in a train that has at least two dozen people hanging on the window grill, on the outside; increasing the temperature of the AC beyond the outside temperature because we refuse to carry a jacket or shawl, while others experience the benefits of a sauna for free; and forcing people to read blogs every week, when they clearly might have other things to do).

And when we ourselves are victim to this attitude, we’ll throw a fit, and complain about how people are disrespectful, irresponsible, uncaring, unprofessional, selfish, arrogant, and add the choicest expletives after each of these adjectives. And this blame game has been going on for eons (Extraterrestrials watching from space would see a very coordinated finger-pointing dance form, worth capturing on video). We love to pass the buck around (We need to blame all those ‘passing the parcel’ game sessions we had during our childhood. We learned young). We love to blame the whole world for not only its shortcomings but ours too. Mahatma Gandhi himself professed against trading an eye for an eye (And for good reason because we would look quite silly if we had one eye belonging to us and the other, the one we traded for)

How often do we feel the need to take responsibility for our own actions? Do we ever feel the need to change or improve in order to be happier? Do we ever stop to consider the negative impact we may be having on our surroundings? Or are we too busy expecting others to alter their personality and methods, so that we could have a little less to complain about? It’s not his job or her job, or their job to ensure that life is better for us. Life hits us all the same at different stages. And it’s the ones that accept this reality, stay positive, and take responsibility for their situation, who share a better relationship with life. If we are willing to lead in all our pompous, self-serving, ego-massaging, inconveniencing, senseless activities regularly, why not in the ones that require maturity and understanding? Why not in the ones that will turn our attitude and life around only if we gave it a shot? Why not in the ones that impact us and the world around us positively? Do we believe that this responsibility is only for the likes of Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Socrates, the Spartans, Mozart, Leonardo da Vinci, Rosa Parks, Jack Ma, Jesse Owens, Steve Jobs, and several others to shoulder? We are all blessed with spirit, righteousness, generosity, strength, creativity, empathy and courage. It’s up to us to define how we use these gifts in our lifetime.

Stop blaming your kids for your misadventures, stop yelling at your wife for a bad day at work, stop cursing your client for a failed sale, stop accusing the economy for your poor financial situation, stop blaming the traffic if you weren’t disciplined enough to reach your destination on time, stop bullying people to address your insecurities, stop trying to finish your local bar’s alcohol stock in one night, and for heaven’s sake, stop at a red light.

Suck it up. You’re as much of a problem as the next person. Stop looking over your shoulder, I mean you. If we must be first, then let’s be the first to effect positivity in our lives and those of others. Let’s take responsibility for our own situations, and let’s recognize our abilities to become a leader in matters that make our souls proud.

With great power comes great responsibility. But with great responsibility comes great power. Cease your responsibility and harness the power that comes with it to create your legacy.

Me first? Yes, you first.